Moment for Satire: An Open Letter to Charles G. Koch
UPDATE: A number of intelligent readers thought that a satirical post undermined the momentum behind the nationwide tea party movement. I disagree — I think keeping a light-hearted tone in our communications (Google does this) helps set a better mood. But frankly, I have never presumed to be THE leader of anything — I only helped organize a single tea party in Washington. As such, what I’ll do, if you find it acceptable, preface the subject line of anything humorous with a clear indication that this is humorous. And then I’ll follow up, immediately, with a serious post.
Dear Charles G. Koch Foundation,
We wanted to let you know how excited we were to hear of your willingness to fund our tea parties. Because we are avid readers, we read Playboy magazine (large print edition, of course) so that we can have the latest news updates, be it aspiring actresses and their hobbies, or a few good jokes to quicken happy hour conversation.
Imagine our surprise that you decided to let Playboy know of your decision to pay us before you ever let US know! I mean, there we were, sitting in our respective cardboard box homes, thinking up protest ideas, and wondering if anyone would ever pay us for it! I turned to a friend and said, “I could really use a home. Or a Lexus.” And then my friend said, “We should both get Lexuses.” We then debated the plural form of Lexus. It’s Lexii, by the way. But you knew that, because you probably know Latin. Most foundations know Latin. It’s science.
Anyway, we made a list of stuff we want, and we’ve put it all under the header of “How to move the conservative movement forward.” Turns out, all you have to do is heap cash on activists who will invariably misuse that money. You know, like ACORN. And that is the reason for this letter. We want to make sure your money goes to the right people and is used correctly. That is, to us and for whatever we want. You know how we’re going to limit government? A 60 inch plasma. It’s called getting the message out, and I don’t see how you can do that with just a 13 inch broken television I found in the dumpster next to my box.
Anyway, I just wanted to give you my social security number and account information so we could make the transfer as quickly as possible. There are all kinds of other transfers about to happen too — I keep getting contacted by relatives of these Nigerian princes and English financiers all of whom want a piece of this Tea Party action. As for your metrics, which are clearly stated and make certain that donor intent is actually observed, we’re totally cool with that. Nudge, wink. Your money is safe with us. Make it out to my name, tho. Just to be safe.
Love,
The New American Tea Party
P.S. We’re probably getting a grant for National Service or whatever from the Obama Administration. I hope this doesn’t conflict with your goals of limiting the size and scope of government so things like mandatory national service never become a reality. If so, please feel free to discard this letter.
UPDATE: Make that several Lexii. This movement isn’t going to grow itself.
What the hell is this? Were you high when you wrote that letter? That made me seriously reconsider traveling five hours from Ashtabula Ohio to Cincinnati Ohio for the March 15th protest.
In my humble opinion, that “open letter” makes this movement look like it’s lead by a group of silly childish people and doesn’t give me confidence in what you’re doing.
I kept thinking, soon this letter is going to go into what you guys really planned to do with the money. But, as it is, it looks like you’re cashing in for Lexii and a 60 inch plasma TV.
I’m feeling extremely let down…
IT’S SATIRE! People are trying to laugh so they don’t cry 24/7.
The leaders of a movement shouldn’t be engaging in that kind of rhetoric. Does Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Barrack Obama, John McCain, and many other leaders engage in that sort of satire?
McCain sang “bomb, bomb, bomb Iran” and was hugely criticized. Jesse Jackson has certainly made his fair share of mistakes. Anyways, that letter wasn’t funny. It fell far short of anything Saturday Night Live might do.
A concern I have is, I have the RSS feed from this site displayed on my web site and it bothers me that folks might click over here and what they might think when they read that letter.
Please take it down.
I agree with D. Fincher, that should definetly not be the first thing someone gets when they open this website. That letter should have been left to the American Spectator. Satirical humor has great affect but it also has it’s place and should be under a different tab not on the opening page. Also isn’t it funny that it has taken this long to get people riled up?? and it took $$$ to do it, the government has been taking our rights away for years and people get upset but go about their business. However, reach in their pockets and you finally get a fight! Look deeper there is more going away than just your dollar bills.
Dear Tina and Fincher,
Here’s a problem with the conservative movement: We’ve become a steady bunch of careerists. Think about it. Conservative “leaders” go on speaking tours. They invest heavily in their own cult of personality. Entire non-profits are set up so that these people can continue having their jobs, while accomplishing little to nothing.
I’m making fun of the lefty tendency toward conspiracy theory. I’m showing that we can be light-hearted. That rather than being rabid, everything-is-about-politics types, we’re instead something better — citizen activists who have personality, senses of humor, and the drive to succeed.
Sir, I just heard about your movement and googled it to find out more. While I agree with the sentiment that your organization believes in whole-heartedly, this letter does not get that point across, and nearly made me disregard gathering any more information.
Both parties are taking our country into a tailspin right now, and the people have let them do it. One thing that the liberal left has done a far better job of, however, is marketing. The first rule of marketing is not to offend YOUR audience. I assume that YOUR audience is any individual who believes, as you seem to, that the government has run amuck and it is time to do something about it, people who believe in true conservatism. If I’m wrong, so be it; but if I’m right, you just lost a large percentage of your audience with that letter.
Unfortunately, while it may have been your intent to show you are a “citizen activist who has personality, sense of humor, and the drive to succeed” it leaves the impression of an “a-moral, immature, teenage boy” and as far as I’m concerned we have a fair-share of that type leading activism already, on behalf of the sides we have no faith in.
I must agree with several other posters. I am fired-up at what is happening in this country and highly motivated. I sought out this site, read the open letter and was totally demotivated. It does indeed come off a childish humor or satire, which is dripping with insincerity. I WANT to be involved in a movement that has a chance of moving the needle. You must rethink the impression you wish to make if you have any hope of inspiring people to follow. Leadership is what’s lacking. Leadership is what we need. So lead. Don’t mock.
A friend of mine recently pointed me into the direction of the New American Tea Party and my first thought upon hearing the name was thankfully someone gets it and there are serious citizens concerned with the current state of affairs poised at changing the fabric of what it means to be an American.
So anyway, I came here following a name (Tea Party) which I considered to be a strong tie into what defined a true American and how a true American’s responds to dire times, yet I found this page.
I understand humor very well, that said if I was looking for politcal satire I wouldnt have come to a place where I thought would hard core conservatism and information on what this new group has to offer.
I will contine to read more pages but I would like to enter a plea of keeping the adults in mind that might be searching as I am here. It would be hard to be taken seriously if the name was the “American Tea Bag Party” just as it will be hard to be taken in the right context by sending out trite like this, not to mention as a group such letters put light on the people that follow, so far this is not the way I would want to be represented.
Hopefully furthing reading will change my mind.
Please just take it down.
I understand that it is intended to be funny, but believe me,
it is not perceived that way by most people.
My heart sank as I read it. It is as simple as that.
The first key to a movement is having a clear cut set of ideas laid out about how you would approach solving the problem. This makes you laughable. Disorganized, intellectually deficient, and unaware how to organize effectively.
But what should one expect from a group that is talking about the 20 or so odd men that dressed as indigenous Americans, the same indigenous Americans that never were privy to the rights most of you feel you enjoy from the constitution. In addition, they were rebelling against a monarch, we do not live in a country where we have no representation. We vote, and even with the oddball election system we generally are able to vote in officials. I see your people with signs that state “No taxation without representation,” and I have to laugh. Your argument is moot and worse, completely inaccurate.
You are also not destroying the Monarch’s tea or tea that a private company with ties to the Monarch possesses. The men you emulate destroyed profits while your movement finds it poignant to purchase tea bags then throw them away. It’s illogical.
Finally I have noticed your supporters talking about bringing you guns with you. I endeavor you to think realistically when you are pitted against and army that can shoot you without even looking at your face, in fact, could shoot you from miles away while you grasp a handgun, shotgun, or something of the like.
While I appreciate the comments from those who disagree with this satire piece, I wonder if they read the background Mr. Freire linked in his post?! I think it is so important that fellow tea party “activists” read what others are saying about our efforts (from the left and the right). Perspective is important and we need to remember to keep ours during these tough times ahead. More importantly, we need to remember to laugh.
Really? Nobody got the sarcasm? I think these comments are not made by real teaparty supporters. This ‘letter’ clearly makes fun of the fact that libs would actually believe a Playboy article about Koch’s supposed funding of our movement. Btw, who is this Koch? Anyways, “the cheerleader of decline” does a good job of name calling. Love it when a movement doesn’t fit the democrat liberal agenda and therefore it doesn’t measure up to their expectations.
Alin.
I’m am not a Democrat and did not call names. I simply said this is bad form for getting a movement forward. I called the effort disorganized, intellectually deficient and unaware of how to properly organize. This is a mess plain and simple, and the symbolic gestures are inane and hard to tie back to the original event.
If you are a fledgling movement, that means starting out, sarcasm is ineffective. It makes people laugh at you instead of with you. Sincerity, and a clear concise objectives and arguments are necessary if you ever want to be legitimized.
This doesn’t support your cause. This is shooting yourself in the foot before you even finished tying the shoe.
— I think these comments are not made by real teaparty supporters. —
It’s certainly Alin S’s right to question the sincerity of a person, but it’s also rather rude as well.
— Nobody got the sarcasm? — I was pretty sure it wasn’t a real news item, but as I said, it wasn’t funny, and was IMHO out of place on the only RSS feed coming out of this site. I want to support this site and the movement, but I’m not happy about having a link to this blog post on my site. And I certainly don’t look forward to explaining the meaning behind this blog post to my web site’s users.
I will most likely be at the March 15 Cincinnati protest, because I’ll kick myself in the rear later on, if I don’t go. So Alin S, if you think there’s anyone more pissed off about government financial irresponsibility than me, show up and have a convo with me and you’ll see I’m fired up…
My concern is that the first blog post on the site right now might turn people away from participating in what is probably the most important issue in America. Please someone who can post blogs here, post a blog! For goodness sake, can we get something else to greet folks that come here?
That’s my beef. I don’t have a problem with the poor attempt at satire, it’s just that it’s about the worst way to greet folks new to the site. Sorry folks, I’m pissed about the government spending money, so yeah, I’m taking time and spending my energy on this. I wouldn’t have linked the RSS feed to a page on my web site if I didn’t believe in the cause 110%.
Sorry guys… When I first found this site, I was so excited and relieved to find so many others with the same sort of frustration that I am feeling. I immediately started talking up the site to friends and family – we all want to rally! Unfortunately, sarcasm or not, the opening letter on the home page was disheartening, and I will not send anyone to the site until the letter is removed. The problem is the first impression. People are desparate to find a solution to this craziness, but opening to this page just adds to the confusion. People need clarity and truth – something they can rally around and put constructive energy toward. I admire what you guys are doing! I truly do, but the opening letter doesn’t do the cause justice.
To have a satirical letter as the first thing visitors read is a bad move. I’d take it down, or at least move it down or something. People are looking for leadership that is strong and clear, and this is just not good enough.
Oh, well that clears that up.
Michelle — that’s a good suggestion.
To all — Points received. I’ll make sure that my lighthearted posts have more clarity to them.
J. P. Friere, glad to see the title change. I think I never would have been confused with that new title on the blog post. Cheers!
As a small business owner, my time is too valuable to waste on satire. I have participated in the political process for over 30 years because it directly affects me, my family, our business. The citizens of the United States are in this predicament because they assumed they could carry on with their lives while the elected officials and others in authoritative positions were responsible people with our nation and its citizens at heart.
Time is running short. Those of us that care need to be direct, responsible and swift. Those of us who care need to group together for the common goal quickly NOT try to figure out the differences in our intellect and humor.
Say it Straight. Mean what you say and Say what you mean. There are a great number of responsible people in the true silent magority of America. We will be glad to join forces to make a difference. We have been listening to rehtoric for far too long. Many of us are willing to bear arms for our constitutional rights. FRUSTRATION is what can make that dangerous. CLEAR DIRECTION and LEADERSHIP is what we need. Comedians are a dime a dozen.
C’mon guys, the idea is great and cant wait for it to hit Phoenix but cant you pick something a bit better than an Asian POS that’s not even assembled here, let alone manufactured here. That turned me off right away so now I’ve got to get all enthused again…R
Make it AMERICAN cars – NOT Japanese.
I just stumbled upon this based on a forwarded email to me.
I immediately got this satirical letter, mostly because the Koch empire is the one that is abusing our liberty by being that wolf in sheeps clothing. They are a purported small government organization that feeds off the teat of government largesse. Typical of inside the beltway ‘libertarians’ of the CATO Institute and Reason Magazine faction. They tolerate, nay, encourage the ‘right’ intrusions. Google Kochtopus and take a read.
The satirical letter actually makes me feel better about this organization since it means to me it is not part of the Kochtopus…
Pretty silly effort and not very funny at all.
I’m sorry but I do agree with D. Fincher, that letter should have never been sent to anyone or even posted on anything. If you know anything about anything you would know that when doing a formal business letter you do not close with “LOVE” “YOUR FRIEND’(s)” anything like this. Second it sounds really crappy when you ramble in a letter especially a letter to someone whom is going to fund you for something and expect you to do great things with that funding. Then to top it all the letter really does sound like a 5th grader wrote it .
I mean common . . . I’m speechless my high school business teacher would crap himself if I ever turned in anything with anything on it like this. This entire paragraph is completely rambling. All you should have even thought of saying is “Thank you for supporting “US” (as a whole not just yourselves) and don’t brag about other people whom are going to be funding you, unless they are a business partner or they are going to take a piece of the financial pie. I also noticed that you said you were not THE LEADER of this group that you are trying to organize or inspire, but you yourself said that you have done this already as an organizer. Now you have this web page and are trying to inspire people and the only way to inspire it to lead. I see you as the leader of this organization taking charge and showing people how to take charge for themselves and speaking up